Sunday, March 13, 2011

By Any Other Name

 The first Atomic Bomb was originally codenamed Busboy, but changed at the request of Edward Teller, atomic scientist and part-time busboy. Teller bussed at a bar called The Little Boy Blues CafĂ©. Teller spent the last years of his life decoding ancient glyphs he discovered in New Mexico. They hinted at the destruction of the world by a giant, mushroom-headed busmonster, who will “clear the table of the worldfeast,” and “throw away the foodscraps (man) of the Great Badger.”

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

And all His Saints

Curator Fabrizio Mancinelli was first to notice Dominic, patron Saint of Basket weavers, gravediggers, and busboys in The Last Judgement. Notice la spazzola, a common sixteenth century table clearing/ ashtray cleaning tool. Michelangelo was a 5th level Brown Tub Busboy. Experts agree the Sistine Chapel is riddled with busboy symbolism.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Canon Food Drive

Liturgically, Clean Monday begins Eastern Orthodox Lent. The Forgiveness Vespers is a ceremony where all present place food articles and casserole dishes in a gilt tub, which an altar(bus)boy takes to the church’s kitchen to create a feast for the town lepers. 

Friday, March 4, 2011


First person past perfect of the verb to bus: I had bussed.
As in
I had bussed the tables before I took that extended cigarette break.
Or in French
J’avais bussĂ© les tables avant le fume plus long.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Turmoil and Trouble

Recent upheaval in the Middle East will come as no surprise to those who know busboy history. Remember the Busser Rebellion in 1499? Or the Busboy Crusade, 1155? Or go all the way back to Moses, leading the Israelites out of bondage. Moses was found floating down the Nile in a reed bustub. True fact.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Busboy to the Stars

Godspeed, Discovery: your final mission to the ISS to restock and retrieve trash from the station. We will retire you to the National Museum, where you will educate and inspire busboys for generations to come.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Alec Baldwin was a Busboy at Studio 54

These busboys are a credit to the profession.

Here Here!

Parliament cannot enact legislation without the Lord High Busser present. They can, however, hold debate if his Golden Tub is present in the chamber.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Gender Inequity

Even in the year 2011 it's hard for busgirls to shatter that glass tub and get what they deserve: the best shifts and equal tipshare.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Warriors, Come Out and Playay!

Emperor Shi Huangdi was buried along with eight thousand terracotta statues--his busboy army to protect and clean up after him in the afterlife. 

Seen here: (note the empty hands where their wooden bustubs and straw brooms have long since deteriorated)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Welcome to the Machine

Bolstered by the success of Watson on Jeopardy, IBM are moving forward on their ultimate goal, the "Holy Grail":
Robot Busser.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Bus Bus Boy. Bus Bus Boy. Bus Bus Boy.

Recently discovered cave drawings point to paleolithic busboy worship in northern Spain.

Historicity Channel

Tune in to American Auction Boss tonight to see a collection of miniature bustubs and lobby brooms from the Xiang Dynasty.

It's Science

It's been postulated that at the center of our galaxy is an enormous black bustub.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Die Meisterbusser

In Wagner's original libretto, the Busboy's Chorus:

Tub Luv

Happy Valentine's Day to busboys and busgirls everywhere! Valentine's commemorates the day Saint Valentine--a 4th Degree Green Tub busboy--brought a tub of pig hearts to a starving village, who for whatever reason were expecting chocolates.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Friday, February 11, 2011


As with most items on Wikipedia this is essentially CORRECT however UNTRUE.


Orthodox busboys never work on Fridays. That’s why wait times are always longer on Fridays.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Twilight of the Busboys

In early drafts, Stephenie Meyer made Edward and his kind an ancient cult of bloodthirsty busboys. Her editor didn’t want to upset the wrong people.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Grand Canyon

Native Americans called the Grand Canyon wehbuhtuhbeh, which translates to world tub, which they believed cleared the feast shared by the sky moth and the earth badger.

Monday, February 7, 2011