Sunday, March 13, 2011

By Any Other Name

 The first Atomic Bomb was originally codenamed Busboy, but changed at the request of Edward Teller, atomic scientist and part-time busboy. Teller bussed at a bar called The Little Boy Blues CafĂ©. Teller spent the last years of his life decoding ancient glyphs he discovered in New Mexico. They hinted at the destruction of the world by a giant, mushroom-headed busmonster, who will “clear the table of the worldfeast,” and “throw away the foodscraps (man) of the Great Badger.”

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

And all His Saints

Curator Fabrizio Mancinelli was first to notice Dominic, patron Saint of Basket weavers, gravediggers, and busboys in The Last Judgement. Notice la spazzola, a common sixteenth century table clearing/ ashtray cleaning tool. Michelangelo was a 5th level Brown Tub Busboy. Experts agree the Sistine Chapel is riddled with busboy symbolism.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Canon Food Drive

Liturgically, Clean Monday begins Eastern Orthodox Lent. The Forgiveness Vespers is a ceremony where all present place food articles and casserole dishes in a gilt tub, which an altar(bus)boy takes to the church’s kitchen to create a feast for the town lepers. 

Friday, March 4, 2011


First person past perfect of the verb to bus: I had bussed.
As in
I had bussed the tables before I took that extended cigarette break.
Or in French
J’avais bussĂ© les tables avant le fume plus long.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Turmoil and Trouble

Recent upheaval in the Middle East will come as no surprise to those who know busboy history. Remember the Busser Rebellion in 1499? Or the Busboy Crusade, 1155? Or go all the way back to Moses, leading the Israelites out of bondage. Moses was found floating down the Nile in a reed bustub. True fact.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Busboy to the Stars

Godspeed, Discovery: your final mission to the ISS to restock and retrieve trash from the station. We will retire you to the National Museum, where you will educate and inspire busboys for generations to come.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011